If someone’s child is behaving inappropriately and their behavior directly impacts you, handle it like you would if it was anyone else. Explain to the Cycle The Upside Down Stranger Things shirt and I will buy this child that you do not appreciate being spoken to a certain way, or that they are in your way and would they please move; whatever the case may be. The fact that it’s a child does not mean you have to make it a teaching moment or impose your values on them. Nor do you have to get their parents involved and question their parenting. Handle the situation and move along. I was in a restaurant with my daughter eating dinner. There was a very large party there at the same time, and they had a little girl with them, around 5 or 6 maybe, who was basically running amok in the restaurant, and none of the adults in the party seemed to care. I kept my opinions to myself. But then the little girl decided she wanted to get a better look at my daughter, who was about 18 months old at the time, and she climbed over the back of the booths and slid in to sit at our table. I calmly looked the little girl in the eye and said, excuse me, but my daughter isn’t allowed to behave that way, so would you please go and do that somewhere else. She did. No disciplining. No reporting her to her parents. Problem solved. And if you do intend to stay with this woman, you need to listen to her and clear up what the rules are regarding her children. Teachers have rules that their students are expected to follow, and consequences for violating them that are written down and agreed upon by the parents. If you want to take on that kind of role you need to sit down with your girlfriend and hash out what the expectations are, not ask the internet how to deal with her children. I think there are several disturbing aspects of this question, many of which have already been mentioned. The utilitarian idea that there is a social optimum when it comes to the allocation of peoples’ talents and that it should be achieved through some kind of top down imposed social engineering is particularly nasty, and goes against the values of individual liberty that are foundational to America.
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I would think the Cycle The Upside Down Stranger Things shirt and I will buy this experiences of the brutal totalitarian ideologies of the 20th century would be enough to dissuade us from these kinds of things. As they get older, respect their privacy and increased independence and responsibility. Do not invade their room yelling about something opinionated and when they tell you to get out tell them how your money is the reason they live there. Privacy is important, and even more so when the house is small and the walls are thin and the rooms barely lock. Jesus. Privacy is important. The older we are and perhaps when young too, but mostly puberty and adulthood. The dad I have who invaded my doorway and then tries to talk to me when we don’t have a good relationship and doesn’t respect boundaries will get even less respect for trying to invade his daughter’s room. Or son’s or other. The point is, privacy. Is a deal breaker. And can break relationships if there aren’t enough breathing room. Even if they still live with you during their gap year. Is it…. so difficult? Is jail not difficult? Yup, the fight got physical and i physically had to remove their smug face out of my room. And that’s why I don’t wake up early, folks. Have I made this point well enough, I really do hope so. If your mostly responsible kid is telling you to give them some space it’s in your best interest to give them some space. Some parents blindly see their kids as irresponsible for no reason, perhaps thinking of how in their eyes they are still their incompetent kid, I understand the nostalgia and how it can be good, but there are ways it can be used to belittle your kids skills, hope you aren’t using that. We respected their authority and we knew we were loved so much. Setting those boundaries of right and wrong did make us feel safe. We knew we were watched over at all times and knew our friend’s mom’s or others would watch over us and correct us as well. I can remember hearing from adults either friends or strangers, “Respect your elders young lady.” when I got out of line. I guess it was “it takes a village” approach. Our elementary school had a paddle. It was about 14″ long and most of it paddle and not handle. It had holes in it which were scary in itself. It was rumored that the holes allowed the paddle to not have air restriction and it would hit harder.