Now I am finally recovered, I’d love to be working or to start a business with my craft, but I’d need to rent a shop or buy a shed to work in and that requires money. I have been trying to save, but despite my frugal lifestyle have not saved a penny yet. I’m still usually down to zero by the I am at home among the trees shirt and I will buy this end of each month. But hey ho, at least I do have a roof over my head and I’m happy and healthy and I have the love of my children and grandchildren who are around. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted and it’s enough. Children love their parents unconditionally and are wired to attach to them because their survival is totally dependent upon their parents. This provides the parent with power, control, adoration and admiration, validation, attention and servitude! They can behave without restraint and there is no accountability. Their children cannot leave and will still love them and perceive them as omnipotent! They control every aspect of their children’s lives. No one gets past them to influence, enlighten, support, comfort. indulge, advise or bond with their child. They won’t allow it! They are the sole force in their children’s lives. Having children ensures that their spouses will stay at least until the children are older or the narcissist decides to discard them. It also places them in a virtuous role/position. People admire families, especially those who appear ‘close’. Narcissists are masters at creating appearances. Publicly they get a lot of attention from strangers as well as acquaintances. People compliment what great parents and adorable kids they are. At home the child emotional needs, opinions, requests, preferences and interests are completely disregarded especially when they conflict with their narcissistic parents agenda. Narcissists don’t feel so much as a twinge of guilt in denying their children something of great importance to the child. They are only thinking of what they want and what is best for themselves. Their whole image as a parent and constant flow of narcissistic supply as well as their children’s devotion , admiration, loyalty, and obedience causes them to believe that they love and adore their children. In reality their children are tools. Their hyper focus and vigilant, ‘care’ of their children could be compared to a genie in a lamp…as long as the genie keeps granting your wishes, you are going to take damn good care of that lamp! No one is going to get their hands on your lamp and get benefits from it!
I am at home among the trees shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and long sleeve t-shirt
This brings me to the I am at home among the trees shirt and I will buy this next point…when their children reach adolescence and are trying to establish their autonomy, are capable of taking care of themselves and have seen the contrast between their narcissistic parent and ‘normal’ parents, the narcissist loses control of their children. All hell breaks loose! This is when affairs and divorces are likely to occur. Their children are the antithesis of narcissistic supply! Narcissists don’t mine for supply where there is little or none. They will rage at their children and make outrageous threats to regain control. There is little ‘doting’ and ‘adoration’ anymore! This is not love! Students in the US go to school for about 7 hours a day. That’s a lot of hours for elementary school kids. My child is in a public school now, and she comes home with 1 page of homework a night, and it’s usually math. No homework on Fri and the weekend. Once in a while, she has a test to study for, and she usually has a week to study. They do all their writings, science, and social study projects in school. I started to realize how nice this arrangement is for us. DD loves sports, and this gives her plenty of time to go to all her sports practices. She also has time to practice violin and even be in 2 choirs. We have time to cook , watch a little TV , or play board games as a family, and that’s every night! She still remembers to read 20 minutes every weeknight before bed. And this is a kid who hates reading! Her school does follow the common core curriculum, which irked me at the beginning. But when I saw how the teachers were allowed to choose a program that worked for the district, with parents’ input, I can see that not all common core are created equal. (One of her previous private schools in another state used common core also, but I couldn’t understand their math methods for the life of me, and I am an engineer.) I can actually help her with her math. I even teach some of the lessons for the area schools. She was barely meeting her reading level to being on the top of her grade. Her writing skills also improved by leaps and bounds. They learned how to research a subject, create the Powerpoint slides, and present them in front of their class. And except for math homework, everything else was done in school.