Some children internalize being treated as a slave without feelings as a model of all relationships. They see most forms of contact with other people as potentially dangerous. In their experience, there are only two possible relationship roles: either you are the Squidward Tentacles I hate everyone shirt besides I will buy this “Master” and call all the shots or you are the “Slave” and have to do whatever the Master wants in order to keep the relationship. No negotiation is possible. Relationships are a take it or leave it proposition. The only alternative is to isolate yourself completely. There are many different ways to be a Narcissistic family and some are much harder on children. Children tend to adapt to the family that they find themselves in and adopt that family’s value system. This makes it likely that the children will grow up with a Narcissistic disorder of some kind or, at the very least, many Narcissistic traits. In more abusive and neglectful Narcissistic families, many children make a Schizoid adaptation to survive. There are obviously some exceptions but in most cases I’d say yes they do. I’ve taught in senior schools for years and we frequently get kids coming into schools who have been home schooled up until the point where their need for information overtakes their parents’ knowledge and they enter mainstream schooling. The rigid nature of the timetable throws them completely. They’re used to lessons lasting as long as they need and a lot of flexibility in their education. Suddenly having set periods causes them real problems. Standards of discipline are completely different. They’re no longer the only person in the school and they can’t get the sole attention of the teacher. They have to wait patiently for attention and observe classroom rules designed for 30 students and created with the most unruly of those students in mind. It’s easy to underestimate how incredibly stressful this is for kids who aren’t used to it. They really struggle to cope and become anxious and uptight dealing with the social structures of education. Suddenly they’re encountering bullies, manipulators, sexually attractive teens, practical jokers, sociopaths, enablers, tempters, trolls, teasers and arseholes. And they encounter them all for the first time without coping mechanisms and at an incredibly stressful point in their life. Many of them fall apart completely. They struggle to react appropriately to situations that their peers have had to deal with for a decade and have a full arsenal of coping mechanisms in place for.
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Meanwhile their parents often find it hard to adjust when they have to surrender educational duties. They’ve had total control over their child’s curriculum for their life up to that point and then suddenly they have to hand over control to a group of strangers who determine what their child will learn. Many parents find this incredibly hard to deal with and their kids suffer as a result. I was raised by a mother who moved in with my future step dad when I was 7 years old. I always felt like I was raised by a single mother though because she made it known that he could not discipline me in any way. I saw him as a piece of furniture. I greeted him but did not engage with him as a father type. He went onto abuse me sexually which even more confirmed that he was not a father figure in anyway. I just always felt that I had one parent growing up, so I would often say that I was raised in a single parent household! My mother called the Squidward Tentacles I hate everyone shirt besides I will buy this shots when it came to any decision about me. My biological dad was no where in the picture. I am married and we are raising our two daughters as a team. We love each other, and take our parenting seriously. As I have thought about my own life growing up, I have often felt that I would not be as good a mother if I did not have this amazing partner to shoulder so much with me. I would probably be far more impatient if it all fell onto me to handle everything. I would do the best I could, but my best would not be as good as I would hope. I think balancing work and raising kids can be a challenge to anyone but even more for a single parent. There are not enough hours in the day. I got to the school and entered the office to sign in; everyone looked at me and burst into laughter. I looked so jacked up it was crazy. I walked the hall smiling at all the kids. Oh, did I mention I left the cereal between my teeth. All the kids were just looking at me in disgust. I entered my son’s homeroom. Made sure to be loud enough so everyone knows I have arrived. My son saw me and if the ground would have opened he would have jumped in. He was so embarrassed. He was trying to hide under the table. Now that they are teenagers they will occasionally say that I don’t understand certain things because I am white. I really don’t think that is much different from teenagers who say their parents don’t understand things because they are old or any other excuse.